6 Essential Points for Understanding Depression

I have known for years that I struggle with depression, but it is still hard to believe. I never wanted this. I grew up seeing people struggle and I was negatively affected by it. I told myself that I would never be like them so as not to also hurt those around me. Like most... Continue Reading →

What it is like going to the temple with mental illness

"What size dress do you want?" the lady asked me from behind the counter. Don't have a panic attack, don't have a panic attack, I kept thinking to myself as I replied, "I don't know. What sizes do you have?" The lady went on to explain all the different sizes that they offered while I... Continue Reading →

The Problem with Optimism

Despite my depression I have always thought of myself as an optimistic person, until the day my therapist told me to stop... People who seem to be the happiest are those that are the most optimistic. Because of this, there is a lot of push to be optimistic. Now, I'm not saying that optimism is... Continue Reading →

This is Depression

I woke up this morning feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I couldn't calm myself down and started feeling shameful and guilty. I've been so tired from a week of bad sleep that I just felt so physically and emotionally exhausted. No matter how much I tried I couldn't get myself out of bed. I ended up... Continue Reading →

So, this is what me and my dietitian really talk about…

I had just gotten out of my car and was walking toward the house when our sweet elderly neighbor asked me how my day had been. I mentioned that I was just getting back from my weekly meeting with my dietitian and she replied, "Oh, I should do that because I eat way to much."... Continue Reading →

The Everyday Fight

Today I sat at work just typing away as my coworker talked to another behind me. The conversation was nothing out of the ordinary but it affected me. I felt guilt and shame that has lasted throughout the day. This is because listening to them talk about exercise made my eating disorder start screaming at me.... Continue Reading →

A Difficult Sunday

Sunday... Sunday... Sunday... a day I in which I tend to mentally crash. I really don't know why Sunday's are so difficult for me. I could be because it is the start of a new week and that is really overwhelming for me. I also could have something to do with the fact that lately... Continue Reading →

Living with Mental Illness

The reality of life is that I have an eating disorder, depression, and anxiety. Even though they really affect my life I know that I am not alone in this struggle! I am also not afraid to talk about it. So, I want to better document what it is like to live with mental illness... Continue Reading →

The Greatest Gift (Day 12)

We walked down the streets of Temple Square. The lights sparked as they surrounded me. The cold biting my exposed cheeks. While standing in front of the temple my activity days leader handed me a shiny little golden box with a bow on top. All of us girls were so excited to see what could be... Continue Reading →

The Mission Call (Day 11)

I did not serve a mission. I wanted to, but didn't. I had my papers all ready to go but as I was about to submit them I had the strong impression that I shouldn't. That was a difficult experience but looking back I am grateful that I didn't. I know it would have been... Continue Reading →

Being Awakened (Day 10)

The shiny tray comes around to me. I grab a piece of bread as I pass the tray to the person next to me. As I partake of the bread I think about how long it has been since I wore a dress and sat in a physical chapel. It was nice to hear the... Continue Reading →

Looking in a Mirror (Day 9)

It's difficult to look in a mirror. I see all of my imperfections and dwell on them. I constantly feel as if I am never good enough. I continually compare myself to everyone around me. I don't forgive myself for mistakes. I think I am unworthy for love when I sin. You know what? I... Continue Reading →

A Special Witness (Day 8)

As a child I hated general conference. It was soooo long and soooo boring. I could not stand it. The only good thing about it was getting to stay in my pj's all day long. As I've gotten older I have come to enjoy conference in a way that my younger self would never have understood.... Continue Reading →

The Debt (Day 7)

This was it, this was the moment. This was the place. I felt it so strongly that my heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest. It was time for me to enter an eating disorder treatment center and I knew the one that I was going to be the best... Continue Reading →

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: