*Disclaimer: This blog contains affiliate links. See below for more information.
My name is Sacha and I have something to confess.
I have anxiety. Terrible anxiety. I have had it for as long as I can remember. I am twenty-four years old and my anxiety hasn’t gotten any better.
If anything, my anxiety has gotten worse.
Anxiety is such a common mental health issue that people face all around the world. There are various different types of anxiety, but most commonly it is having a spirit of fear inside of you. Constantly being afraid and worried over certain things, or particular aspects of your life.
I have a lot of social anxiety, so it is a huge struggle for me to get out and about with ease. Ever since leaving my daughter’s father (and the hell that I went through with him), my social anxiety has gotten worse. So much so that I truly struggle with leaving the house, not caring about what people might think or say about me. I even avoid men, all men, when I am out. It makes me so scared and self-conscious.
I also have conflict anxiety.
This is something that I have recently discovered but have had for a very long time. Basically, it is a fear of saying or doing something that makes the other person react negatively and thus, cause conflict. I have it around my father. I also had it around my daughter’s father too.
It is quite common for many victims in situations where they are living with a sociopath or a narcissist (both in my cases). Their personalities are very self-oriented, and so anything that does not bode well with them, they can easily snap, get frustrated, or mad, and even cause verbal or physical abuse. Both of which I have received.
I have to constantly walk on eggshells around these sorts of people, because it seems as though no matter what I do or say, it can trigger a negative response.
It makes my anxiety constantly on high. I live with my parents, so I am not getting better here. I have to constantly remind myself that the situation is only temporary, these people will not change, and I need to focus on bettering myself in order to be stronger as a mother to my daughter. In general, I can be quite fine, and not too worried about things that happen in my life or my daughter’s life. Unfortunately, my anxiety is very bad around my parents, in particular my father, due to my upbringing, as well as other negative events that have occurred between us in recent years.
Anxiety really takes a toll on the body. It makes you overthink and over stress which causes your mind to constantly have thoughts running through your head. You can also find yourself dwelling on the past or going over what happened in the day and over analyzing the situation. It makes you so drained, because your mind doesn’t shut off, and can cause you to lose sleep as well.
For me, I constantly have anxious thoughts and moments of over analyzing going through my mind about what happens each day. I stress about my parents and their treatment towards me, thus resulting in conflict anxiety, and all of this causes me to feel constantly fatigued and sometimes have mild insomnia as a result.
Anxiety can also cause physical pains.
For example, I get this pain in my stomach every time something specific is said or done from my father, or to cause my father to have a certain negative response. I had this with my daughter’s father as well over so many things that happened throughout our relationship. It can make you lose your appetite or cause you to shake and feel so panicked. Sometimes I have little anxiety attacks and shake and cry when it all gets to be too much.
These experiences I have need to be seen as opportunities for me to grow, change, battle, and overcome my anxiety. Even just the anxious thoughts and feelings I have around my parents. My best friend counsels me over this, hears me out each time I need to vent or cry. He provides me with solid advice that I try to focus on and follow whenever these episodes occur that causes such immense anxiety.
The best advice he provided me with is to change my mindset.
I need to learn how to control my thoughts and emotions in response to these specific events, in order to maintain a positive and healthy outlook on the situation at hand. By mastering what goes on the inside allows me to have a different outlook and experience on the outside.
It is a long and difficult process, but my main focus is to do better not only for myself, but also my daughter too. I do not want her to experience what I have, and I want to enjoy life in a much better light with her.
My name is Sacha and I am a single mother to my beautiful daughter, Rebekah.
I am a Christian mum blogger helping and encouraging other single mothers such as myself on my blog Raising Rebekah.
I also am a freelance writer for Apples of Gold with a background in Psychology.
You can find more from Sacha at: Raising Rebekah
Interested in sharing your mental health story? Click HERE!
Disclaimer: Please note that some of the links above are affiliate links which means I will earn a small commission if you purchase through those links. This helps support the blog and allows me to continue to make free content. I only recommend products that can benefit your mental health. Thanks for your support!