Day 11 of the 12 Days of CHRISTmas
I did not serve an LDS mission. I wanted to, but didn’t. I felt so strongly that I was to prepare for a mission. But as I went to hit the submit button for my papers I felt that I shouldn’t.
I sat on the living room floor in front of my laptop completely dumbfounded. No? I took a leave of absence from school. I quit my job. How could the answer be no?
I never did hit that submit button, even after months of pleading with the Lord to let me go.
“The Living Christ” section eleven reads:
We testify that He will someday return to earth. “And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together” (Isaiah 40:5). He will rule as King of Kings and reign as Lord of Lords, and every knee shall bend and every tongue shall speak in worship before Him. Each of us will stand to be judged of Him according to our works and the desires of our hearts.
I wanted to help prepare the world for the Second Coming by teaching the gospel. I was lost and confused. As the months went by I found myself more and more depressed.
I needed something to look forward to. I needed a reason to get out of bed every single day. So, I spent that time focusing on my scripture study. It didn’t matter if I had a mission call or not. I could still prepare for one. Plus, it never hurts to build a closer relationship with Christ.
After several more agonizing months, I got called to serve as the 1st counselor in my single ward Relief Society Presidency. While being set apart, I was informed that this calling is my mission and to focus on it. The calling was such a blessing. It gave me a sense of purpose. As well, as confirming my impression that I wasn’t supposed to go on a mission.
Looking back, I realize I couldn’t have served a mission. During that time, I had undiagnosed chronic depression, anxiety, and eating disorder. I likely would have had to come home early for hospitalization. Instead, I am dealing my mental illness with my husband and family close to me.
God knows what is best for us. He loves me regardless my serving a mission or not. He knew I would make more of a difference by staying home than I could have serving. I use this an opportunity to continue to bear my testimony and share the gospel, even if I don’t have an official name tag over my heart.
Read Day 12 of the 12 Days of CHRISTmas by clicking HERE
Read Day 10 of the 12 Days of CHRISTmas by clicking HERE