The Greatest Gift (Day 12)

We walked down the streets of Temple Square. The lights sparked as they surrounded me. The cold biting my exposed cheeks. While standing in front of the temple my activity days leader handed me a shiny little golden box with a bow on top. All of us girls were so excited to see what could be... Continue Reading →

Being Awakened (Day 10)

The shiny tray comes around to me. I grab a piece of bread as I pass the tray to the person next to me. As I partake of the bread I think about how long it has been since I wore a dress and sat in a physical chapel. It was nice to hear the... Continue Reading →

Looking in a Mirror (Day 9)

It's difficult to look in a mirror. I see all of my imperfections and dwell on them. I constantly feel as if I am never good enough. I continually compare myself to everyone around me. I don't forgive myself for mistakes. I think I am unworthy for love when I sin. You know what? I... Continue Reading →

The Debt (Day 7)

This was it, this was the moment. This was the place. I felt it so strongly that my heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest. It was time for me to enter an eating disorder treatment center and I knew the one that I was going to be the best... Continue Reading →

Faith in Christ (Day 6)

You want the truth? Okay, the answer is no. No, I haven't. I never have seen Jesus Christ. I've felt his presence. I've read his words. But I have never seen him face to face. The sixth part of the “The Living Christ” reads: Of the Living Christ, the Prophet Joseph wrote: “His eyes were as a... Continue Reading →

Death, the Conquered (Day 5)

That night is such a vivid memory but at the same time a complete blur. There was a lot of crying to the point I didn't even realize when I was or wasn't anymore. I felt deeply sad. I had never before lost someone to death and didn't know how to feel.  Death is pretty... Continue Reading →

When Broken (Day 4)

It was a very dark. It was very cold. It was the most painful thing I had ever experienced. I felt completely and utterly alone. My own shame surrounded me as if it were a dark thick and sticky cloud. I was completely stuck with no where to turn. I was in my own personal... Continue Reading →

Being Christlike (Day 3)

Every morning I opened my eyes to the sound of someone telling me it was time to wake up. I would lie there for a second before changing into my hospital gown, that we would wear as we got our vitals taken, contemplating if getting up would be worth it today. The answer was always... Continue Reading →

His Creation (Day 2)

I hated it. I hated it so much! I could not stand anything about my own body to the point that I was willing to die in order to change it. Like many people out there, I struggle with an eating disorder. So, me and my body are not exactly on good terms which made... Continue Reading →

What Child is This? (Day 1)

Colored lights go up that reflect off the ornaments. The smell of pine fills the room.Holiday songs are constantly playing wherever I go. It is as if the very air around me has changed. It is the Christmas season and I can see it all around me, but do I feel it? This year has... Continue Reading →

Should I stay or should I go on a mission? It was not my decision…

I was 19 when the age changed happened and women could leave on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints at that age. Let me tell you, I had no clue what to think when I heard that! It was an exciting time and everyone around me was putting in their... Continue Reading →

What I Wish Everyone Knew About the Woman Who Died to Save My Friends

The memory feels more like a dream. No, it feels more like a distant nightmare. It was so long ago. We have all moved on with our lives since then. Some of us still keep in touch but most of us are now only Facebook friends with the occasional like of a life event. Meeting... Continue Reading →

Learning from Stephanie Nielson

I got to listen to Stephanie Nielson speak on October 1st! She is my hero for so many reasons and I love reading her blog so I was extremely excited to listen to her speak at Utah Valley University. I was disappointed that I had to sit in the back but it was just incredible to... Continue Reading →

Dumbledore + Sister Linda K. Burton = More happiness in my marriage

I am a huge Harry Potter fan! Like I was completely obsessed with it growing up to the point that I slept with all the books under my pillow and as punishments my mom threatened to take away my Harry Potter books. I am not joking... One of my favorite popular quotes from the book... Continue Reading →

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