What it is like going to the temple with mental illness

"What size dress do you want?" the lady asked me from behind the counter. Don't have a panic attack, don't have a panic attack, I kept thinking to myself as I replied, "I don't know. What sizes do you have?" The lady went on to explain all the different sizes that they offered while I... Continue Reading →

The Problem with Optimism

Despite my depression I have always thought of myself as an optimistic person, until the day my therapist told me to stop... People who seem to be the happiest are those that are the most optimistic. Because of this, there is a lot of push to be optimistic. Now, I'm not saying that optimism is... Continue Reading →

So, this is what me and my dietitian really talk about…

I had just gotten out of my car and was walking toward the house when our sweet elderly neighbor asked me how my day had been. I mentioned that I was just getting back from my weekly meeting with my dietitian and she replied, "Oh, I should do that because I eat way to much."... Continue Reading →

The Everyday Fight

Today I sat at work just typing away as my coworker talked to another behind me. The conversation was nothing out of the ordinary but it affected me. I felt guilt and shame that has lasted throughout the day. This is because listening to them talk about exercise made my eating disorder start screaming at me.... Continue Reading →

A Difficult Sunday

Sunday... Sunday... Sunday... a day I in which I tend to mentally crash. I really don't know why Sunday's are so difficult for me. I could be because it is the start of a new week and that is really overwhelming for me. I also could have something to do with the fact that lately... Continue Reading →

Living with Mental Illness

The reality of life is that I have an eating disorder, depression, and anxiety. Even though they really affect my life I know that I am not alone in this struggle! I am also not afraid to talk about it. So, I want to better document what it is like to live with mental illness... Continue Reading →

Being Awakened (Day 10)

The shiny tray comes around to me. I grab a piece of bread as I pass the tray to the person next to me. As I partake of the bread I think about how long it has been since I wore a dress and sat in a physical chapel. It was nice to hear the... Continue Reading →

Looking in a Mirror (Day 9)

It's difficult to look in a mirror. I see all of my imperfections and dwell on them. I constantly feel as if I am never good enough. I continually compare myself to everyone around me. I don't forgive myself for mistakes. I think I am unworthy for love when I sin. You know what? I... Continue Reading →

When Broken (Day 4)

It was a very dark. It was very cold. It was the most painful thing I had ever experienced. I felt completely and utterly alone. My own shame surrounded me as if it were a dark thick and sticky cloud. I was completely stuck with no where to turn. I was in my own personal... Continue Reading →

Being Christlike (Day 3)

Every morning I opened my eyes to the sound of someone telling me it was time to wake up. I would lie there for a second before changing into my hospital gown, that we would wear as we got our vitals taken, contemplating if getting up would be worth it today. The answer was always... Continue Reading →

His Creation (Day 2)

I hated it. I hated it so much! I could not stand anything about my own body to the point that I was willing to die in order to change it. Like many people out there, I struggle with an eating disorder. So, me and my body are not exactly on good terms which made... Continue Reading →

What Child is This? (Day 1)

Colored lights go up that reflect off the ornaments. The smell of pine fills the room.Holiday songs are constantly playing wherever I go. It is as if the very air around me has changed. It is the Christmas season and I can see it all around me, but do I feel it? This year has... Continue Reading →

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