I know I'm on a list, probably not at the top, but definitely on the list. I used to make these lists back when it was visiting teaching. But now I know I'm on the Relief Society's list of women to reach out to. It's hard, mental illness has taken over so much of my life that I can't do half of the things I use to.
We walked down the streets of Temple Square. The lights sparked as they surrounded me. The cold biting my exposed cheeks. While standing in front of the temple my activity days leader handed me a shiny little golden box with a bow on top. All of us girls were so excited to see what could be... Continue Reading →
How to use debt to come closer to Christ This was it, this was the moment. This was the place. As terrified as I was I knew it was time for me to enter an eating disorder treatment center. The only problem was that there was $2,000 down payment in order to be admitted. My husband and I couldn't afford that. We were just poor Mormon college students. We talked about selling our own possessions but nothing we had was worth that much. No matter how we looked at it, we could not afford the down payment.
That night is such a vivid memory while at the same time being a complete blur. I sat there listening to Wicked while hugging my teddy bear close. Crying until my eyes ran out of tears while the sun rose in the distance. I had never lost someone to death and was completely overtaken by the pain of it.
"Krista, it's time to get up." I would lie in bed wishing I could fall back asleep as the care tech left the room to wake up the next person. Grudgingly, I would then change into my hospital gown and head into the hallway to get my vitals taken. The whole time contemplating if getting up would be worth it today. But, no matter how exhausted, depressed, or overwhelmed I was, there was one thing that always motivated me to get up and face the day.
I hated it. I hated it so much! I could not stand anything about my own body to the point that I was willing to die to change it. Like many people out there, I struggle with an eating disorder. So, you could say my body and I are not exactly on good terms.
Twinkling lights reflect off the ornaments. The smell of pine fills the room. Holiday songs are playing wherever I go. It is the Christmas season and I can see it all around me, but do I feel it? This year has been a little crazy for me. Christmas is going to come six days before I am discharged from an eating disorder treatment center. I am now out of 24-hour care and in a day program which means that I get to spend most of this holiday season at home.
When my husband and I were first married he got called to be the ward mission leader and I as one of his ward missionaries. I remember turning to my husband and saying that I had no clue what I was doing and nothing seemed to work. After talking to my husband I realized that... Continue Reading →
"What size dress do you want?" the lady asked me from behind the counter. Don't have a panic attack, don't have a panic attack, I kept thinking to myself as I replied, "I don't know. What sizes do you have?" The lady went on to explain all the different sizes that they offered while I... Continue Reading →
Sunday... Sunday... Sunday... a day I in which I tend to mentally crash. I really don't know why Sunday's are so difficult for me. I could be because it is the start of a new week and that is really overwhelming for me. I also could have something to do with the fact that lately... Continue Reading →